The Basics of Power Play and How To Introduce It To The Bedroom
If you have always been fantasizing about getting tied up, spanked, and choked, or loved the idea of ordering your partner what to do and directing the action, then you're probably into power play.
What is power play?
Power play is more commonly known as BDSM - a term describing sexual practices that involve dominance, submission, bondage, sadism, and masochism. It may also include role-playing, exhibitionism, and controlled voyeurism. Since the release of the popular book series and movie 'Fifty Shades of Grey,' we have noticed a dramatic increase in BDSM searches and couples experimenting with kinky stuff. Power play helped save a lot of "vanilla" relationships and spiced up many sex lives.
But why are some people drawn to power play? Being interested in BDSM is normal, and it is a fantastic way for couples to let go during lovemaking. As Filippo M. Nimbi, Ph.D., a researcher at the Institute of Clinical Sexology, said: "BDSM is a healthy expression of sexuality."
“We each develop our erotic fantasies from our different tastes, experiences, and curiosities, beginning in childhood and lasting until the end of our lives,” Nimbi added. “Everyone is different. We can develop the same fantasy from different stories, and we can develop different fantasies from the same stories. Some people find in BDSM a way to be free, to get wild, to let go, and to play a different role from their everyday lives. And if they get satisfaction and respect the ‘rules,’ why should it be abnormal?”
How to get started with power play.
Like other kinks, the best way to incorporate power play into your vanilla relationship is to talk about it. Sex therapist Marissa Nelson, LMFT, said that when couples want to play with power during sex, the key elements are always communication, consent, and playfulness.
Be honest with your partner and tell them you want some power play in the bedroom. Or you can talk dirty and say, "I want to strangle you and spank you really hard." If you feel like your partner is also into it, you can take things a little farther. Share your wildest fantasies and create scenarios that are fun, pleasurable, and satisfying for both of you. Figure out together what's hot and sexy and what turns you on. Whipping? Choking? Seeing your partner begging for more?
Just don't forget to set some boundaries and come up with "safe words." In BDSM play, you are in a situation where saying "no, stop it" actually means "yes, please don't stop." A safeword is a word or phrase unrelated to sex that submissives can utter when they want to end everything because they've already been pushed beyond their boundaries. This is important for safe and consensual sex.
Another way to introduce power play to a relationship is through role-playing. While not all sexual role-plays involve bondage, sadism, or masochism, role-playing is still a popular element of BDSM. This sexual practice needs two or more people to pretend someone they are not and act out a particular fantasy. They can wear costumes or use props to make the scene more realistic and pleasurable.
Some of the common BDSM role-play scenarios are:
- Master and slave
- Professor and student
- Doctor and patient
- CEO and employee
- Pizza delivery guy and housewife
- Police officer and criminal
- Homeowner and maid
- Client and stripper
In a BDSM role-playing session, each participant plays a specific role: the dominant player and the submissive player. The dominant is the one taking control over the scene and giving the orders (example: the professor), while the submissive follows the commands (example: the student). There’s also a thing called “switch”. Being a switch means you can shift from dominant to submissive or vice versa.
Power play toys and gears
It’s easier to get into power play when there are BDSM toys and gears involved. Paddles, handcuffs, blindfolds, gags, collars, and leashes are some of the BDSM classics that will spice up your power play and make the experience more intense. Here are our favorites:
1. Noir Ball Gag - If you want to try out some ball gags, we recommend the Noir Ball Gag. It has air holes so the submissive partner can safely and easily breathe through.
2. Rings of Fire Nipple Press Set - This set of screw-down nipple presses allow the dominant player to control how much pleasure they want to give. You can go from light pressure to intense pressure or use the nipple presses as simple adornment.
3. Spreader Bar - This comfortable spreader bar will be your best friend during long sessions of whipping, spanking, and doggy styles. Each cuff is cushioned, and the buckles lock to ensure your slave cannot escape from the master.
4. Pleasure Cuffs With Satin Mask - We love how girly and sexy these metal cuffs with faux fur cover are. It comes with a soft cushioned blindfold, perfect for taking away the sense of sight and adding an element of surprise.
5. Spandex Hood - Is a blindfold not enough? This spandex hood with padded eyes will give the dominant player the freedom to do anything they want to their prey. It has an open mouth, which is great for inserting sex toys, gags, and cocks.
6. Spread Labia Spreader Straps With Clamps - If you want to take power play to the next level, this labia spreader is for you. It clamps onto the labia and spreads them open. We recommend this for humiliation play or if you and your partner are role-playing as a gynecologist and patient.
7. Fetish Fantasy Series Rubber Paddle - Whether you have a fetish for rubbers or are just into sadism and masochism, this paddle should be in your BDSM gear collection. It is soft and bendable but still stiff enough to show your submissive partner who’s in charge.
Power play improves sex life. Although it is often misunderstood and may seem risky and bizarre, we cannot deny the fact that it has many benefits. Power play reduces stress levels, improves mental health, strengthens communication skills, deepens trust, and brings you and your lover closer together.
Just don’t forget this one tip: whatever you do - be it bondage, whipping, or choking - make sure you do it safely.