Cross-dressing & Shifting the Power

Most people find themselves falling into a certain role in the bedroom’s power structure but there are some couples who are shifting the power dynamic in a big way. 

While women often find themselves in a submissive role and men may often feel inclined to “take control”, role reversal in the form of cross-dressing gives some men the opportunity to let go and embody the opposite gender. 

There are many reasons a man might be interested in cross-dressing in the bedroom and at the same time, many men would rather not put a label on the enjoyment they get from the act at all. 

“...motivations for men who crossdress are complex,” an Insider article by Canela López reads. 

Dressing like a woman may be a way to be closer to and have a better understanding of the experiences of a woman. It may be a way to “escape” the normal power roles he holds. A man may simply enjoy the way stepping into this new character, that is simultaneously himself and not himself, makes him feel. 

“Admiring himself in the mirror in a pair of black tights, the cross dresser samples the intense, fascinating satisfaction of being simultaneously himself and the object of his desire,” an article from the schooloflife.com reads. 

If your male identifying partner is aroused by the thought of wearing women’s panties, clothing or even a latex mask of a woman’s face (Yes! This is totally a thing), it's very possible they have what’s known as transvestic fetish. 

Or in other words, they are turned on by wearing women’s clothing. And because transvestite may feel derogatory and outdated to some, we won’t be returning to this phrase in this blog post. We’re here to encourage exploration that isn’t limited by language. 

If your partner has expressed interest in cross-dressing in the bedroom, or you’re the partner interested in doing so, we’ve compiled some some tips on how you might begin to make this a reality in your relationship.

What you should know before you get into it. 

Panties, lingerie, dresses & makeup. 

Switching roles. 

THINGS TO KNOW

Before you get started or put this into consideration, you should know this fetish doesn’t say anything about your male partner’s sexuality. Most men who are aroused by the thought of wearing women’s clothing are straight, or heterosexual in orientation (And if you are uncomfortable with the possibility of fluidity in orientation, you may need to take a moment to look inward).

You should also know that if you are not interested in participating in your partner’s fetish this does not make you a bad partner. You should know you are not obligated in doing anything that makes you uncomfortable. 

Know also that you do not necessarily have to be turned on by your partner dressing as a woman or acting the submissive role in bed to participate in the fantasy. It’s all part of exploration. And who knows, you might enjoy yourself or learn something new about your own sexuality along the way. 

Above all, don’t yuck their yum. There is never a valid reason to make someone, especially your partner, feel less than because you aren’t turned on by the same things they are. 

THINGS TO HAVE

This decision is yours to make. But if you’re struggling to find a starting point, we’ll help you out. 

Heels can make anyone feel sexy. If you’re chasing this feeling  in a size that’ll fit you or your partner, check out Onlymaker. While it may take a little digging to find a shop or online store with the perfect heels for you, the dream pair is out there. 

Many men who crossdress enjoy wearing women’s panties, something that is easily attainable. While heels may not traditionally come in your man’s size, panites certainly do and can be purchased from anywhere that strikes interest. 

Looking for lingerie made for you? Look no further than xdress.com. Xdress has it all -- from lingerie to panties -- and even cosplay! We highly recommend their site’s blog and are sure you would enjoy some of the content while you’re finding your way in this world of cross-dressing in the bedroom. 

THINGS TO TRY

Explore gender play! Arousal surrounding cross-dressing comes from different places for different people. Make sure to talk to your partner and find what about cross-dressing arouses them. Is it the thought of being submissive? Feminized? Sissified? Once you know this, you’ll have a better understanding of how the act might play out. 

Here’s a few scenarios you might try. 

You and your partner take on the look of the opposite gender through means of clothing choice. While your male partner dresses the part of a woman, you may in turn enhance your masculinity by dressing in clothes that are traditionally considered for men. This can be simple -- think boxers for her and panties for him -- or more elaborate. Check out our blog post on role-play here. 

The idea is to play with these ideas of submission and domination, switching roles of  power in the bedroom by “swapping” gender. Your man may have been the teacher in the bedroom before, but what if now he was the school girl? 

If your partner is aroused by the idea of being emasculated, feminized or sissified, do him up! With either his makeup or your own, apply some mascara and lipstick. Experiment with blushes and eyeshadows while the two of you play around and experiment with gender. 

He might enjoy some primping, by means of manicures or shaving his legs.

Using a strap-on too, might further enhance the experience. Once your partner is all made up, the two of you might consider a strap-on to play around with blow-jobs, hand-jobs or penetration. Check out our article on pegging while you consider a strap-on. 

If a strap-on isn’t on the table quite yet (or ever -- that’s cool too), you, or your female identifying partner might try out some positions that will help assert dominance in the bedroom. Some dominance position favorites include cowgirl or sitting on your partners face. In reality though, the position isn’t what’s important in assuming the role of dominant partner, it’s all about attitude.