Push Your Erotic Bounds with these BDSM Basics
Bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism. Whether these are just a slew of words to you or something you (or you and a partner) are interested in getting familiar with, you can count on No Limit Novelties to share our insights on BDSM and our advice for getting involved in your local BDSM community.
Why does BDSM appeal to us? Sexual satisfaction and turn-ons are complicated, desires deeply rooted...so maybe the answer really isn’t so simple. At the heart of BDSM is consent. You’ll come to see that the most important thing as you delve into BDSM is the enthusiastic consent of willing adults.
The B and D in BDSM stands for bondage and discipline. The S stands for submission or sadism and the M stands for masochism.
A BDSM dynamic or relationship doesn’t always involve all aspects of the acronym. A person might engage in just bondage, for example. In other BDSM relationships, those involved might practice dominance and submission. BDSM is not limiting, whatever you like, whether on the giving or receiving end, is included in the all encompassing label of BDSM.
Kink is as unique as those engaged in it and doesn’t have to ultimately be about sexual gratification, although to many this is the end goal. Power exchange and mental give and take largely draws people to BDSM.
The acronym is typically grouped into two parts - dominance and submission and sadism and masochism. DS relationships are the mental aspect of BDSM while SM and bondage is the physical aspect.
People who are active in BDSM can be divided into three categories: submissive, dominant or switch. A submissive desires to submit their will to a partner - the dominant, who wishes to have power over another person. Switches “switch” between being submissive and dominant. This may mean they are sometimes a sub and sometimes a dom with the same partner, or it may mean they are submissive to some partners and dominant to others.
BDSM Vocab
Below are some need-to-know phrases and terminology for those delving into BDSM.
Safe word: A word or phrase used during a scene or play session that will immediately stop all activity.
Hard Limit: Something a person will never do or be okay with under any circumstances.
Soft Limit: Something that is negotiable. A person’s soft limits are things they are not yet comfortable with participating in but may someday be.
Masochist: A person who receives sexual gratification from their own pain or humiliation.
Sadist: A person who receives sexual gratification from inflicting pain or humiliation on another person.
SSC: Safe, sane and consensual - the makings of good BDSM. Make sure the scene is safe and that everyone participating is in a good state of mind and is okay with what has been decided.
RACK: Risk aware consensual kink - The idea that BDSM is good, so long as everyone involved understands the risks.
Aftercare: Time after a scene or play session ends in which those involved in the scene are able to readjust, calm and return to a normal state of mind.
Negotiation: Planning a scene or a relationship, deciding what will and will not happen during play and laying out the boundaries of all involved.
5 Things You can Try Tonight
With all this information, you may be wondering where to start. There’s a lot to learn and much that won’t be covered in this blog post. While you continue to study up on BDSM, here are a few scenarios you and a partner might play with tonight.
Velcro restraints: Velcro restraints are a great, inexpensive investment to make while you play with bondage and power exchange. If the restrained partner becomes uncomfortable, velcro restraints can quickly and easily be removed. Additionally, velcro restraints are gentle. They offer physical sensation while simultaneously adding a mental stimulating element.
Sensation play & deprivation: Sensation play and deprivation uses the 5 senses to enhance intimacy. There are many things you’ll already have lying around the house that can become props. Think ice cubes, feathers, sleep masks...get creative! Sensation play helps to practice building intimacy and trust, which forms the base of any good BDSM relationship.
While it’s fun playing with a partner in the comfort of your own home, getting involved in your local kink community is something that might come to interest you. Read on for our tips on meeting people online and in real life.
Finding Your Local BDSM Community
Making an online profile on FetLife with your interests, limits and scenes you’d like to engage in is a great place to start. Including a picture of yourself in some of your BDSM gear is always a nice touch. Create a kinky profile and get involved in the BDSM community on Facebook and Twitter - you might even find events in your area, depending on where you’re located. There is also a large kink community on the app Telegram, used for group chats.
Through FetLife and other social sites, you can search for events near you. For those who’ve never attended a kink event, attend a munch! Munches are casual, geared toward newcomers and there is no pressure. It's simply an opportunity to meet with and talk to those in your local kink community over coffee, food or drinks.
If you’ve met someone online who you’re interested in playing with in real life, always meet first in a public space. Not only for everyone’s safety, but to gauge compatibility and save yourself from a scene that’s lacking chemistry. It never hurts to go into a meet-up with a healthy amount of skepticism.
Before you play with anyone, make certain to tell a good friend where you’re going and when they can expect a text from you to check up with them. You never really know who you’re meeting up with - be safe! And as always, have fun!
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